106 | Mastering Your To-Do List & Self-Care: with BYW Dreams Founders Alegre and Natascha

Ever find yourself overwhelmed by a to-do list that never seems to stop growing? Struggling to prioritize self-care amid the demands of parenting and entrepreneurship? If this sounds familiar, you're going to love our chat with Alegre and Natascha, founders of BYW Dreams and co-authors of two Amazon bestsellers, “Rock Your Morning: Three Simple Steps to Take Control of Your Morning” and "Three, Two, One Done". Their insights on how to save time, conquer your to-do list, and take control of your mornings are both inspiring and practical.

Expect to be captivated as we discuss the art of balancing motherhood and entrepreneurship, and the importance of establishing personal boundaries and rituals for self-care. We also unravel the neuroscience behind our habit of endless list-making and how to break free from it. With Alegre and Natascha, we dive into common mistakes people make when creating to-do lists, and how to establish habits that ensure the important tasks get done while making time for deep focus work.

Lastly, we don't shy away from the essential conversation around parenting. Alegre and Natascha share their experiences and offer valuable tips on how to instill healthier habits in our children. From sleep hygiene to the Kaizen way of making small changes over time, we cover it all. If you're tired of feeling overwhelmed and ready to take back control of your time and life, this is one conversation you can't afford to miss!

Learn more about BYW Dreams:
BYWD - Beyond Your Wildest Dreams, empowering moms and caregivers to prioritize themselves! (mailerpage.com)

BYWD Harness the Power of Planning Workshop (subscribepage.com)

Amazon.com: Alegre Ramos: books, biography, latest update

Beyond Your Wildest Dreams | Alegre & Natascha | Planning Mavens (@bywdreams) • Instagram photos and videos

Facebook

Transcript

Jozlyn: 0:04

Welcome to Raising Healthy Humans, a podcast created for busy moms, where you can easily find info on health and wellness for your family. Join Courtney, a health coach, movement and posture specialist and founder of FormFit, an active and supportive community where she helps busy moms move more. Here on Raising Healthy Humans podcast, she shares personal life experiences, training, knowledge and conversations with other health and wellness experts so you can raise healthy humans.

Courtney: 0:37

Today I am speaking with Allegra and Natasha, co-authors of two Amazon bestselling books and founders of BYW Dreams. We are discussing how to prioritize yourself, speak and every day, along with tips and techniques to help you actually start to get that to-do list done. I hope you enjoy our conversation today. Hello Allegra and Natasha. How are you today? Hi Courtney.

Alegre: 1:11

Great, thank you.

Courtney: 1:13

Excellent. So you are here to speak with us about a book that you all have written. You wrote it together. Mm-hmm, yes, okay. So tell me the name, the title of the book. I see it over there. Yeah Well, we have two books. It's two books, okay, okay, okay. So tell me about the books that you have written and then we can get into diving deeper into the conversation around them. Mm-hmm.

Alegre: 1:43

Well, our first book is for the person who says I don't have a single moment to myself. Right, because we're on a mission to empower moms and caregivers to prioritize themselves, save time and accomplish their goals. And if you think, well, accomplishing my goals is nice, but I don't have a single moment to myself, then you want to learn how to prioritize yourself, And that is rock your morning three simple steps to take control of your morning. And this is all about self care as health care through creating a habit of a morning ritual. Okay, And then, Natasha, I'll let you talk about the other one.

Natascha: 2:14

The second book is actually our first book three, two, one done. We, as Allegra said, that we're committed to having caregivers and moms prioritize themselves and save time and get accomplished their goals, and we have the signature course. That is more of like a big scope, big picture kind of thing, and we were both of us that you know we really want to get down to some more nitty gritty of like I've got a to-do list, it is massive. How do I tackle this in a way that doesn't feel crazy, overwhelming and like ongoing? And so we wrote three, two, one done, which really takes a look at generally the top three mistakes people are making with their to-do list and then strategies to combat that. And I 100% was that person making all those mistakes. So you know, we we have talked about our own personal experience and how we've pivoted into these other strategies which really take the overwhelm out of the to-do list and help you get it, get it to done. We like to say from to do to to done, you know.

Alegre: 3:11

So those are the two books, yeah so this is about prioritizing yourself, this is about saving time, and then our harness, the power of planning course is about achieving your big goals, right.

Courtney: 3:22

Okay, now let's start with the morning routine. Do you all have children?

Alegre: 3:30

Yes, yes, what are?

Courtney: 3:32

the ages of your children.

Natascha: 3:34

I've got nine year old. Well, excuse me, he just turned 10, 10 and 12. Okay, 10 and 12.

Alegre: 3:40

And I have a 12 year old girl.

Courtney: 3:42

Okay, So when you are speaking about the morning routine, are you speaking to that mom with a newborn or are you speaking, do you have like a specific audience that you're speaking to with that?

Alegre: 3:55

Well, we think that it will help a mother at any stage. But we understand, those first three months are just survival mode, right? I mean newborn stage is cruel and unusual punishment.

Natascha: 4:07

So newborn is maybe, but also maybe even more critical to slip in a little bit of self-care healthcare at that stage as well and have it be established inside of your family dynamic that, like mommy prioritizes herself and your partner also supports you in prioritizing, because that just sets up. You know, that sets you up to win later. Now, allegriny, you're definitely in a specific season of parenthood. We're in that same generation as well, with elderly folks on one side and you know younger kids like tweens and stuff. So you know we're not changing diapers.

Alegre: 4:42

Yeah, we were advanced maternal age right, so both advanced maternal age moms Okay.

Courtney: 4:47

Yes, same here.

Natascha: 4:48

Yeah, i love looking at my chart and they're like geriatric, i was like really elderly, okay, cool, cool. So we so, yes, we recognize that people are different stages, but the idea of we really encourage inside of this book to start so small, like incrementally small, and just get that little wedge in there, right AllegriNy have, while we both have kids I've got two, she has one We have different, our routines are very different and we're also very much we're not like here's the routine that you should do now. right, it's about you, what you value, what you prioritize. My specific routine is split up into before drop-off and after drop-off. Right, because there's just because I'm not willing to get up 30 minutes earlier, that last 30 minutes in bed horizontal is golden and I'm not doing it right. So so it's before and after for me And it's different for Allegra. So you know there's that. And then we really would encourage new parents to get that little sliver of self-care in there And it can be. It can be. You know your skincare routine. It can be.

Natascha: 5:57

For me I'm trying to incorporate more stretching And so right now I've wedged one minute of stretching into my morning. That doesn't sound like a lot, but it's one minute more than I've been doing before, and if I get to do it every single day, that's 365 minutes. I've been doing that I haven't been doing before And that one minute often leads to two. Next thing, you know, it might be five, that kind of thing. So, like you, i get that it's hard. Like my gosh, i felt so overwhelmed with my you know, with my newborns. So it may feel like it's not possible, but we encourage people to maybe get that little sliver of self-care And we encourage people to maybe expand one minute 60 seconds, You could probably probably do something.

Alegre: 6:35

I also want to redefine what self-care is right, because people think self-care and they're like how am I going to fit in a 60 minute massage in the morning? It's like, no, no, no, we're talking hydration, taking your supplements. You know, maybe if you have been wanting to do morning pages, you know doing a page, like Natasha said, one minute stretching. And then my morning ritual is actually clearing my dishwreck. Right, because the night before I spend the time to reset my kitchen.

Alegre: 7:03

But for sanitation reasons, right, there are some things that have to air dry overnight, and so when I walk into my kitchen, i want to have a few moments of like, completely reset kitchen, and so that's part of my morning ritual And it makes me feel better. So it also allows me to avoid the annoyance that pops up when family members put freshly washed things in with things that have been drying overnight, because that just really irritates the heck out of me. I'm like that's clean, that's not clean, what are you doing? And so that's my issue, right, And so I own that issue by clearing the dishwreck. We're sitting in the morning, right.

Natascha: 7:39

And so and I don't have that issue So, like you went downstairs right now, you'd be like, well, that's a full dishwreck. But this is, and this is also why we're one of the first steps that we talk about is, like, what is inside of that, inside of Rock Your Morning, is what's important to you. Right, this ritual is about you and what makes you feel better, not what you should be doing. You know, like letting you know I should be meditating every day or something like that.

Courtney: 8:09

Like sure, maybe, but it's up to you, yeah, and I think a lot of people here like there's five things you've got to do. you've got to make sure that you're meditating, and then you've got to make sure you're doing your exercise, and then you've got to spend time journaling, and that can get overwhelming with people, And that's what I think of all the things they need to do While I also have a toddler.

Courtney: 8:34

I mean I have eight well, he's not 18 yet 1715 and 12 year old. So you know, super mom, different, different aspect with me and my children and what their requests are of me at that time, of what do you think is holding most of these moms back with? I mean, there's endless excuses, but what do you think truly is the heart of holding these moms?

Alegre: 9:06

back.

Alegre: 9:07

So I have a recently developed hypothesis about this Okay, and it's based on my own experience, obviously, because it was around when my child was five years old that I realized that I was in danger of my mom identity taking over my entire life, and I knew that I did not want that to happen, and so I was like I need to really figure out who I want to be and what I want to do with the rest of my life.

Alegre: 9:35

That isn't motherhood, otherwise it's just going to, by default, turn into all mom all the time. And I think the reason why is because those first five years you have to spend so much time keeping them alive, right, that you establish these new habits And you know that first year, right, it really it's just like it's all of your attention. Right, because they can't do anything. And I think, because you develop that new habit of watching them and doing everything for them and all of that that when at five they are actually a lot more self-sufficient. It's hard to switch that off, unless you do it purposefully, because that's just your new normal, and unless you make a choice to say, okay, they are more sufficient, i can now do XYZ thing, then you will just continue with how you were parenting those first five years. That's my hypothesis.

Courtney: 10:29

And that, i think, is a great hypothesis, because, as you're speaking about it, i'm like that, is that true? Like when we become moms, we start to nurture constantly And they're asking for things and then we're answering them And almost like taking on this you hear it all the time like people pleasers. Many moms are people pleasers And it might be due to that, like you're so worrying about needing their needs Yeah, constantly That once they're old enough, we continue to meet their needs, and now we're gonna meet everyone else's needs.

Alegre: 11:04

Right, it just becomes who we are. And yeah, that was just like at five. I was like, oh okay, i see an opportunity here. I need to switch.

Natascha: 11:13

I came to that realization later Although my youngest was probably around six when I was kind of like, wait a second, they're gonna leave eventually, and then I'm gonna be like I don't know what to do with myself. And I was definitely in a spot. I was in a spot where both Allegra and I were entrepreneurs in other businesses And I have a stay at home, work from home, mom, and I have my own entrepreneurial endeavor. But I was really literally just doing that and moming, which I'm saying just it was plenty, don't get me wrong, it was plenty to do. But I really did feel like I was just like okay, i'm like making it.

Natascha: 11:52

And Allegra had already kind of been formulating for herself what she just described like, saying like, okay, i'm gonna pivot out of this being my soul identity and see what else is available to me, what I desire, that kind of thing. So I see her rocking it over in her world, being an awesome mom. She's also a homeschooling mom, plus her family goes on vacations. She's also doing incredibly well in her entrepreneurial endeavors And multiple ones, by the way. And so I come to her one day and I was like all right, girl, i'm making money, my kids are alive. You know I'm like, but there are other things that I really want to do, but I don't have a second right. And so I'd come to Allegra and said, how do you do it? And she started informally coaching me hand down my kit, all of that kind of fell apart for a hot second And then we picked it back up again And she continued to you know, do some of this coaching. That's how our partnership writing these books together, creating these courses, creating our company B-Y-W-D Beyond Your Wildest Dreams together came to be.

Natascha: 12:53

But all of that out of kind of what you're saying here this sort of I would say, a very mild identity crisis. You know, it wasn't necessarily a terrible crisis at that point, but I definitely threw out a lifeline And she was kind enough to say, hey, i'll show you what I'm doing. You know, and that's how this was born, and I can't stress enough how important this idea of the morning ritual was, because your question just a few moments ago was you know, what are the excuses that we use? you know, to like maybe not prioritize ourselves, and I think that exactly that. I think it was an excuse to.

Natascha: 13:37

I think there's some level of like martyrdom in some way of like going ahead and sacrificing myself on the altar of motherhood to be there is some cultural embedding, i think, of like to be a good mom, like you have to give it everything, all of everything you've got right, and so I think that, whether I was aware of that or not, it really did help me, like I kind of let, allowed myself to be buried in my motherhood so that I didn't have to address these other like potential wants and desires that maybe I wanted to pursue. And when I like I said, and when I picked my head up out of the water and I was like, hey, wait a second, there was, like other things that are really backburnered. And if there is, you know, if there's any kind of advice I could give to new parents, is that, you know, just try to find to keep a sliver to yourself, or one that really has you support, like you can absolutely, and it's 100% okay to like give yourself to your family And I enter in culturally. That's really very much smiled upon. But also it is also I give you permission to keep some stuff for yourself, right, keep that, whatever that might be.

Natascha: 14:47

Maybe it is going and getting a mani pedi once every couple of weeks or whatever it is. Maybe that's part of it, but also that like little daily moment I'm telling you this one minute stretch for me is so much more than just stretching my muscles, which I have to do, but like it's a moment of I really try to take a moment and go like this is for me, this is for my body. I'm great, like I'm kind of give myself a moment of gratitude for this, for this vessel that created my children and helps me move through the world and experience life. It's that moment where I get to just it's really much more than a stretch for me. So, if it's one minute, take it, find a way. You know there are yeah, we can find lots and lots of excuses.

Alegre: 15:27

And we call it a ritual very purposefully, because we do consider it this, you know, special, you know if sacred if that word speaks to you time for yourself. And my husband has his own morning ritual. That you know. They run side by side but we literally almost never interact And it's like, even if we do interact, there's a fourth wall between us. We just do not talk, it's like, and he does most of his morning ritual in a separate room than I do And if, for some reason, i forgot something in that room and I have to grab it, i know I have to be like okay, I'm not here, I've got my things.

Alegre: 16:02

So you really appreciate the quiet time because it allows you to be more present during the rest of your day, when you know everything is not quiet.

Courtney: 16:12

Do you have any tips when you're speaking about you both having your own time and appreciating it and understanding it and respecting it? Do you have any tips for people who may not have that I mean a supportive partner Or just wants a needs of it, doesn't even have to be the partner, but maybe a child or whatever coming in? Do you have recommendations on how we can kind of set our boundary up for that?

Alegre: 16:40

Well, you need to figure out what works right for your schedule. I happen to have a late riser so I am able to get my morning ritual done in the morning. I'm just lucky that way. Natasha actually splits her morning ritual up into before drop off and after drop off. So you're gonna have to figure out where to carve out the time, and we also suggest that for people who it feels better for them.

Alegre: 17:03

Maybe you wanna really work on developing your evening ritual right, because the way we lay it out in the book is that your morning ritual is what helps you be prepared for the day, and then you might have an evening ritual, which I have, an evening ritual and that helps me prepare for the morning, right? So like, for instance, if I have to go somewhere the next day, i set everything I need by the door the night before. That's part of my evening ritual, so I'm not like in the morning, like where is my blah, blah, blah? So if you're struggling with the morning ritual, then maybe an evening ritual is a good place to start And it's not something that you do once and set it and forget it. A morning ritual is constantly evolving. I've had a form of a morning ritual for decades and it continues to change And it will always change based on new things popping up that are interesting to you and just the craziness of things changing in your daily life. But yeah, it's always evolving.

Natascha: 18:05

And the boundary setting is It is. It takes work right a to first create it and then maintain it right. So I was joking about how I don't get up early to do any of this. And that's true, i don't get up early, but I do set my alarm for 650 and then I do a Horizontal meditation for 10 minutes. But this is just a, really, and you know whether or not I really get into a meditative Center if it's a little bit more sleeping. But they were. My alarm goes off at 650, i put on a guided meditation track and then, just you know, take it from for 10 minutes, take it from there to seven. So that's like I haven't even gotten up, i haven't signaled to my children that I am alive, you know. So that's a one way to like, maybe slip something in.

Natascha: 18:45

And then the other thing we, we, um, there's there's surprisingly a lot of research that backs this next fact up, that making your bed is a huge. If you're not already a bed maker, that is a great place to start, because there's so much research about how much more You have a feeling and sense of control and autonomy and authority over your life by making your bed, which is crazy, but it's true. So it's that that. What does that take, like you know, depending on how many pillows you have, you know, like you know, i can get it done in a minute, right, you know? and and a library loves to point out to, the research also supports that Then, when you go to head, go to head to turn it down at night. That signals your body like, oh okay, i'm sleeping, and it helps you, like, decompress and get ready for a good night sleep as well. So it has a lot of benefits, right. So that sounds like well, that sounds ridiculous.

Natascha: 19:35

Making your bed, like you know, and especially if you're somebody already a bed maker I was a very intermittent bed maker, yeah, i make my bed. I'm like, well, a lot of science backing this up, you know. So you can start with again something really, really small and, you know, maybe have your kid join you in the. This whole stretching thing has been a little journey with my family, because Initially we I was trying to get my kids involved too, like all of us, my husband too, who was like could really use it, and It didn't work so well with them because, like they. But but you know, maybe, especially if you have like a toddler. You're like, oh, let's do a forward bend for a minute, they'll be into it.

Jozlyn: 20:11

You know, or maybe they're gonna down dog with you.

Natascha: 20:13

You know that kind of thing, or you know like it is, you know it's okay, that's and I always said a timer right, i was like Alexa one minute timer.

Natascha: 20:22

I don't know about anybody else's kids, but my kids respond very well to timers and so forth In an incredible way where, like mommy has mommy's taking one minute, you can do it with me or you can wait, but when that goes off, i'll be ready to you know, interact with you, and that's a great way to set up Their expectation. And then, as they get older, when you're just kind of like, hey, i need some space or time to myself and I will be ready to help you with your homework in 20 minutes, you know, and that kind of thing. Or let's set a timer for 20 minutes When that goes off, that kind of thing, so that you really can give them an expectation That's concrete, you know, and and you can invite them to do it with you, right, if it's appropriate. But I think that being able to set boundaries and keep them and start giving that example early on is like Key you know, because I love them, but those little monsters will suck every second out of you if you let them.

Natascha: 21:15

You know, and it's really healthy for them to understand you because they too may need Time on their own, or you know? do you mean like that? You know, when they're asking their sibling, there are siblings bothering them. You know, if they, if they've had an example of hey, listen, i'm allowed to have my own space, time to myself. I can ask for that. That's okay. Um, you know you're modeling that for them as well. So it's It. It takes work, though It's like, like I said, it's not set. Forget it.

Alegre: 21:42

You have to maintain it, yeah and one thing too We have a third book coming out next month called rock your mission, and It's all about creating clarity and buy-in as a family unit by creating a family mission statement. So a family mission statement is also a great way to Discuss what kind of environment do we want our family to have? Like, yes, we all want to have our own time. Okay, great, i honor that, i honor that. And We have our family mission statement hanging next to our dining table So we look at it every day, multiple times a day. So it's there as a reminder like here's what we've agreed upon and here's what we're working towards.

Courtney: 22:20

What I notice with families and with my own children is when you Teach them or when you practice these types of things, like you mentioned, natasha, how You know it's allowing them the same opportunity, not only now, but when they get older and become parents of their own to know. And that's like our goal.

Natascha: 22:40

Our goal is not to Guess, it's to raise our children, but it's for it to have them go out into society and be able to be Amazing adults right Care of their own needs and recognize that their needs matter and being able to ask for what they need and, if they're not able to get it, to carve it out for themselves. You know there's yeah, you mentioned people pleasing earlier. You know that is definitely a quality of mind that I 100% do not want to pass on to my kids. But you know, taking it's taking a lifetime of undoing that conditioning, you know, and And sometimes really ungracefully, you know.

Alegre: 23:19

So if I, whatever I can do to help, you know, not perpetuate that people pleasing aspect, the better and that's also part of why we are so passionate about helping Moms and caregivers because if you teach this to moms and caregivers, then it's gonna get passed on to the next generation, and There's no better way to create culture change than By being a parent it starts with us, that's for sure.

Courtney: 23:44

Everything, i mean it, i feel it does absolutely. We make the difference in our household. Yes, so speak to me about the to-do list and the three, two, one. How do we go? like? what do we need to start with? I am a list maker and I'm sure I'm doing it all wrong. My husband can joke about, like when we met, i used to make a list of every movie I wanted to see. The thing was like four pages long, three columns. It was ridiculous. I'd have no clue where it went. I hope I threw it away because I spent more time making that list than I ever. So I'm a list lover here. So talk me through what I need to do with these, with list making, what I'm doing wrong, what I can do right, everything so there are three Mistakes that people often make when it comes to your to-do list.

Alegre: 24:45

that keeps it growing and growing and growing. and What we give you in the, in the book, and what we're gonna talk about right now, is a three-step process to strategically Look at your to-do lists, and whether it's a personal list or professional list or mix list, it doesn't matter, there's still strategy behind it.

Natascha: 25:02

So, natasha, mistake number one Okay, they're one and This is something I've been guilty with my like almost my entire adult life until recently is Putting absolutely everything on the list, like stuff that I was gonna do anyway, like brush my teeth and walk the dog and All the things that I was already gonna do. And the next thing I know I've sat down to like do my list and next thing I know it's like, or it's like, you know, carried over from the day before or, you know, days before, and I just keep adding to it, adding to it, adding to it. Yeah, this is so. This is a little example list of you know, okay, like Everything, right, and so that may feel like because we all know how good it feels to write something down and cross it off, right. So I'll just kind of like I would put things on my list that I had already done.

Natascha: 25:50

Like if I just brush my teeth, i'm like, let's just put it on there so I can cross it off, right. We're all we've all been guilty of that, right, and it's 100%. It sounds like. It sounds like it's fun and it's a good idea and It's fun. And the reason it feels so good is because we get a dopamine hit when we do that right. The flip side of that, the dark side of dopamine, is that we, once we do that, we then start feeling Accomplished so you're crossing off the things that you've already done or that you were gonna do anyway, or that literally take like 30 seconds.

Natascha: 26:21

But you know I'm gonna put it down anyway and start crossing it off. And next thing, i know I'm flooded with dopamine and the things that are really More important, things that maybe are a little bit more complicated, things that I have maybe some resistance to, i feel so accomplished. I Can get to those later. I can get that tomorrow. I can get you know what I mean. And then next thing, i know, next day, i start Yeah, oh yeah, i didn't do blah, blah, blah.

Alegre: 26:44

You know feed the dog, or you even go back right and add on again Those things you're gonna do anyway, right?

Natascha: 26:49

And so that was like this constant and there would be things on there that were important and those things would get Overlooked because I'm just flooded with, i'm so accomplished, you know, and so that you know, get reading the science behind that. We're big brain science nerds, were always, you know, just kind of like running through, like Research and and so forth, finding out the research on that, that really you get flooded with dopamine And then you then you wind up kind of not doing the things that are really important because of it. And I have to tell you that I was just talking with Allegra about this earlier, about how it is. It's difficult still for me to not do that, because I am like a dope, i'm like Dopamine seeker, right, and so it's, it's a new, it's a newer habit for me to like, if it Well, it's, it's very easy now. I don't put down, brush my teeth on my list, like that part, anything that I know I'm already gonna do, i don't put down, but those things that are like very wait. Let's talk about the tips.

Jozlyn: 27:49

Yeah, so.

Natascha: 27:49

Allegra's gonna talk about the tip to combat that right one. Don't put down things that you are already gonna do. Okay, Allegra's got a good strategy tip to combat this whole.

Alegre: 28:00

Well and I just want to go back to the list right, So you cross off walking the dog and brushing your teeth, because those aren't really to-do lists. Those are things that you have to do. Right, That's not a discrete thing. That's every day for the rest of your life.

Alegre: 28:13

So, that's not a to-do and actually putting it on a list is not the best way to make sure it gets done. Creating a habit is a better way to make sure that gets done and we talk about habits a lot in the morning ritual book How to establish a habit. So, first thing, don't write down things are gonna happen anyway, right. Secondly, don't write down anything that takes two minutes or less to do, for the very reason Natasha said, because you're gonna Flutter with dopamine and then you're gonna think I'm not gonna do it And then you're gonna move it from list to list to list and you could have done it ten times Every time you move it from list to list to list. So again, going back to our sample list, like writing that. Thank-you note to Carolyn Two minutes, get it done right. Ordering mechanical pencils.

Natascha: 28:53

I know I know, i see Courtney's face And I understand how she feels. I understand, and, courtney, i was just I'll forget if I don't write it. No, no, because you'll do it right then. Right, so we have a caveat. There's two things. Like, a lot of times I'm in with a client and I don't, like I have to email so-and-so. In that kind of case, you write it down, absolutely. If, like, you're in the middle of something else that you cannot do it right, then If, however, it occurs to you in a moment where you do have that time to shoot off that email, send that text, make that appointment real quick, do it then. And this is this has been, this has been a hurdle for me, because I do want to Write it down. That delegated for later.

Natascha: 29:33

Also, i do have sometimes problems with time perception how long something's gonna take me. You know, like that email would probably take me two minutes, but I'm just like, oh my god, take me 30 minutes to write that email. So what I was sharing with Allegra, this tip, has been a more challenging for me to do, like to have that two-minute thing. But the more I do the two-minute thing, and When it's when it occurs to me, the more improving to myself that it really is. It really is a stress reducer, because what happens to me is That I don't write that email and then I go about the rest of my day and I get into bed at night And I'm like, oh my god, i still haven't written that email and it's an open tab, right. And so if I just shoot off that text right away, if I just shoot off that email right away and make that quick phone call, it's off my plate, it's off my, it's out of my head. So that might be a difficult thing to transition to. I get it, but just try it once. Have that thought. You might go to write down. You're like, can I do this right now? I think I can right. So just you know, baby steps, you're not gonna.

Natascha: 30:32

Suddenly I'm still in that mode of like Allegra doesn't even write it down, like Allegra just does it, she's, that's where she's at. I'm still in this kind of like middle space. We're like, sometimes I'll write it down, sometimes I'll do it right away. But the more I just do it right away, the more I prove to myself, okay, yes, this actually is working and it didn't take as long as you thought it would and wow, it's done. Now It's done, and it never went on the list, you know. And so to play with the idea, courtney, we always say in all of our books and courses take what you like, leave the rest. You don't have to make all the implementations at the same time, you know. But with that, the next time you go to write something down, you're like can I do this in two minutes? Can I do that right now? I can, okay, let me try it. You know, before writing it down, Give it a shot.

Alegre: 31:12

The whole thing, too, is, once you've read the workbook, is to, every time you look at your to-do list, to think about a Strategic number one, like should this have been on the list? or was this a two-minute thing or a reoccurring thing? Right, like you have to go through that mentally, that mental one, two, three steps, until it becomes just second nature, until it becomes a habit, right?

Natascha: 31:32

Right. so you look at that to-do list and let's say you have something on there That's two minutes, right? So you've written it down. Let's say right.

Courtney: 31:38

Oh yeah, I think everything on my list that I have to do is two minutes.

Alegre: 31:43

Okay, well then, as soon as we get off it's amazing interview, yeah.

Natascha: 31:47

So we have a sample list on there, like things that are recurring. You just cross off because you're gonna brush your teeth every day, right, things that are two minutes. You write a little tunex to it, right, and so you, so you can sit down and go like, alright, i have, you know, several two-minute items here. Let me see if I can just knock them out real quick, right, and it does take, like you know, it's a definitely for me for sure, a shift in in the way that I perceive it, you know, and the way that I feel.

Natascha: 32:14

Yeah, so it takes a minute. You're not, i am not at a leg or level where a leg or level doesn't even write it down, she just does it immediately. Like that is, and because also so many things occur to me while I'm doing something else, it often winds up on my list. But then there's a little, i put a little tunex to it. So I know, okay, i'm having a 15 minute break. Later I'm gonna see if I can get a bunch of these number, these two-minute items off the list, you know.

Courtney: 32:39

Yeah, i was gonna say I think Allegra has a specific type of personality is my thought, because I'm just thinking, like just based on information you said earlier about how you put things out the night before and all of that I think I've just been doing this longer.

Alegre: 32:58

I mean, i'm a student of productivity. I have spent thousands of dollars taking productivity courses. I have read countless habit formation, goal setting. I have my MBA. I've done a ton of project management. So, yes, i do have a you know, a brain. I'm an ENFJ brain type Myers Briggs and we do like to figure out the best way to do something. Like we're very much efficient seekers, but I'm also constantly tweaking. one because my life changes, like when I became a mom, i had to do a ton of tweaking. and two, just because I'm like, oh, i can do that slightly better, like that's just how I'm wired.

Alegre: 33:37

But the putting out things the night before I got that in a thousand dollar productivity course. Thank you very much Sharing it with you here. So that was not something I thought of on myself by myself, but I've just been doing these things for a long time. But planning and all of this falls under that meta umbrella of planning. right, planning is a skill like any skill. And do you remember how tiring it was when you learn to drive? Like? I remember coming home and taking naps. I was so mentally exhausted. Right, all the things you have to think about. Right, this is a new skill. You're not going to get it the first time, so relax and know that it's just a process of okay. what are those three steps I need to do? every time I look at my to do list And then eventually, over time, they will become habit.

Courtney: 34:25

Yeah, there's one more. Right, Is there one more?

Alegre: 34:27

There's two more.

Courtney: 34:28

Oh, there's two, Okay, okay, so the second mistake Go ahead.

Natascha: 34:32

Oh, the second mistake. Oh sorry, What's the second mistake?

Alegre: 34:37

now I'm forgetting, i'm not going to be randomly tackling.

Natascha: 34:42

Yeah, yes, i'm sorry, my brain was in a different mode. Yes, randomly tackling, so just going ahead and going through your to do list As you've written it down, right, so that that does not work. And the person that proves that to me is like I would. My husband's always like give me a to do list, give me a to do list, and he will go and I will just write it down as it dumps out of my brain, which is not necessarily any specific order, and he will do it in the order that I wrote it.

Natascha: 35:10

And I was like what I'm not, you know, so I might be a little bit of a control freak because I was just like, what are you doing? We send them out for errands. And I'm like, okay, you should go to CVS first, then you should go to this place and this because I had in my mind like the most efficient route for him to drive. He's like I'm leaving the house with the list and I'm going to do it in whatever order I want. And I'd be like he's just like I might lose time and gas, and I was like like it would drive me absolutely bonkers, you know. So you know, and he just that he's brain is. He's just like next thing, next thing, next thing. Doesn't take a look at the picture and go Oh, actually that doesn't make sense to do that First. I should do that after this thing, right? So, yes, mistake number one doing your list in the order that you wrote it down.

Alegre: 36:03

So strategy number two is to identify if a task requires deep focus or shallow focus. And deep focus can be thought of as tasks that are mentally intense, require focused attention or have critical deadlines, and shallow focus are things that don't require you to be super focused, aren't time sensitive, or tasks that you even consider relaxing, okay. So again going back to our sample list, here And again, no one can decide what's deeper, shallow, except for you. Okay, so we've crossed off the two minute things, we've crossed off the reoccurring things and we have left paint your cabinets. I put that as shallow work because I am a suffice. I satisfy when it comes to DIY. I'm like slap that paint on there. My husband is a perfectionist, so he would consider that deep work. Okay, pick up contact lenses. So obviously shallow work, but it takes right. I have to do some planning because my optometrist is 30 minutes away, but I can just slot that in really fast.

Alegre: 37:05

Work on automation. So what's an automation? if you sign up for someone's email list and you start receiving emails, those are automations. And those are very complicated Because if you've ever set up, if you haven't set up an automation, it can be something like did the person open the email, know resend original one. If yes, then resend and then send number two.

Natascha: 37:24

Very detail oriented.

Alegre: 37:25

Very detail oriented. So you want to be that's deep work, repotting the fern. Not only is that shallow, but that's actually something I enjoy. So buying my husband a gift again shallow, dog insurance shallow. And then writing our newsletter deep. So we had that big to do list And there's only two things on there that are deep. And so right there you're just like Oh wow, this isn't so bad, right, it's just kind of like makes you feel better when you realize there's only two things you really need to focus on And I just want to make one. Well, i guess we'll talk about in tip number three.

Natascha: 37:59

So mistake number three is not making time for it, right.

Natascha: 38:06

So you have this to do list, and this was definitely something that I was guilty of, i would say.

Natascha: 38:14

I would say I'll do it when I have time, as opposed to making the time right. So often, especially when my kids were younger, i my son wanted me to lay down with him till he fell asleep when they were younger, and then I was like, well, after they're asleep, i'll have time to do my monthly report. Well, then I would pull myself out of his bed and I would be so groggy and that's something that should literally have taken me is some deep work, but maybe takes me half an hour, would take me like three nights in a row, because I'd be like this at the computer, you know, and doing it when I had the time, as opposed to going Okay, i'm way more bright, item, bushy, tailed in the morning. Let me carve out that 30 minutes. Make sure I do it when I'm, you know, when I have the focus, be able to see when I can do that deep work, making the time as opposed to waiting for the time to do it. And that is definitely a mistake I made over and over and over again.

Alegre: 39:04

So the strategy to overcome this is to create a time in your calendar to do those things. And one thing that's really helpful is finding out what your chronotype is, and because different chronotypes are best at deep work and shallow work at different times of the day. So, for instance, i'm a lion chronotype, and even before I found out I was a lion chronotype, i knew that I did my best work in the morning. I can write three times faster in the morning than I can in the evening, and kind of like Natasha with her report, right, she could get it done in half an hour in the morning and it would take her three nights in the evening. And so I reserve deep work for the morning time before noon. And so that means for the automations I am going to and automations right, they're very time intensive and they require a lot of focus I'm actually going to divide it up and slot myself some time on Monday, wednesday and Friday from 8 to 9 am, right, just an hour.

Alegre: 40:00

Because the thing with deep focus work is that if you do it for too long, you actually start to lose focus because it's so exhausting, right?

Alegre: 40:07

So doing just an hour and doing it with days in between to allow your brain to kind of like mull over it, because your subconscious does a lot of work on its own and you might think like I'm not getting this paragraph right.

Alegre: 40:19

You're trying to wrestle it into the right order, and then on Wednesday, you've had 48 hours to think about it and your brain's like here's the right order, thank you, right? So splitting those deep things up And then things like painting the cabinets, i reserve for the afternoon when I'm not ready to do deep work. I just kind of want to zone out. Listen to an audio book, and actually I define anything that I can do while listening to an audio book is shallow work, right? So I need a couple hours to paint the cabinets. I'm going to choose Saturday at 2 pm to paint the cabinets for two hours, and so that's how you then can take your to-do list and strategically place it into your calendar in a way that makes sense, based on is it deep work or is it shallow work, and how long do I estimate that it's going to take?

Courtney: 41:07

Okay, And how do you find out what your type is? Very good question.

Alegre: 41:12

Yeah, there's a website called. what is it The Sleep Doctor? Yes, i think it's the Sleep Doctor. We have it in hold on It's in the book. In the book. Let me find the page.

Natascha: 41:23

There are four different chronotypes. We take the quiz. It's not a very long quiz, but it helps you determine what type you are and generally you know The power of when quizcom.

Alegre: 41:34

That's right.

Natascha: 41:35

The power of when. Quizcom, yeah, okay, so you know, it tells you the importance of when you do something for you know, depending on you, you know most people are like I'm a morning person, i'm a night owl, like you kind of already sort of know a little bit, you know.

Natascha: 41:50

But this kind of gives you a little bit more specific parameters around, like when you potentially are the most productive, when you should probably go to sleep, when you should wake up, that kind of thing. Based on this, this quiz, and it at least gives you a jumping off point, you know. And so I like to talk about this third tip. Like you know, making the list is getting it out of your head and having it exist in space, like outside of here, which is super helpful, right, have it exist somewhere else than in here. And then this third tip is taking it from just having it exist in space but also exist in time, and that makes it then something that like it's, it's then more fleshed out. I make there's a huge difference when I this, this, actually, this technique is actually called time blocking. When you go ahead and say I'm going to do it Monday, wednesday, friday, i'm going to block that time out.

Natascha: 42:38

Now, life happens, we know, things don't always work out, but at least you have put a put a placeholder for it, you know, and if it's important to you, you'll, you'll put it in existence and time, and then you know, of course, if something happens and you have to reschedule it, you reschedule it.

Natascha: 42:52

But this time blocking idea really gives you a better sense of like, allowing it to be done in such a way that you know it makes. It makes the most sense to you as opposed to for me. A lot of times, if it was just the list, it's like, well, what am I going to do it? or how is it going to get done? or you know and there's another, there's another little caveat that we have that if you've written it on a list, you're allowed to transfer it, like, two more times. If you, you're not allowed to transfer it a fourth time. If you transfer it a fourth time, it's obviously something you're just not going to do. So you get to that third time you transferred it and you're like am I really going to do this or am I not going to?

Natascha: 43:31

do this you know, and so I need to outsource it or eliminate it. Outsource it, or you know, or you're like is this this may not be as important to me as I think it is, you know that kind of thing, so, and at least gives you pause instead of just because I would just transfer, transfer, transfer? I mean, things could be on a list for six months. They just go list to list, to list to list. You know, and I have to like. So if you get that third time, you have to really take stock and be like am I going to do this, or maybe this is just not the right time to do this, like, maybe I need to put this on my calendar few months from now, you know? or like a legacy, outsource it, you know, get that.

Courtney: 44:06

I was going to say I think I need to read your book because I went from writing it from page to page and the other day I was like, well, i'm going to be smarter about this and I decided to start writing them on sticky notes. Okay, move the sticky note to the next day, so I'm saving myself time.

Natascha: 44:28

Yeah, so you don't have to rewrite it, okay. I mean, there is that whole like the con bon thing right where people like you get you move it from It's in progress to completed and all that kind of stuff. I mean that's a different way to manage a project. And if you want to say Courtney you were very observant earlier, you know you said that like and, and Allegra did talk about like a lot, of, a lot of what she's, the way that she manages things and the way she's talking about how she manages her to do list and so forth has been over time and with you know, cultivating habits and that kind of thing.

Natascha: 44:59

But for sure, allegra and I think very differently, and we do, and I have this suspicion that you and I might that might be a little bit more on that same page. We like to joke about how Allegra, if you watch a, an exercise class, she's the person in the front who's like lift your knees and go and sweat, and so that's that's one, and I'm the person on the side is like gently move your joints and let's you know. So with different things, and we are very much of the mindset understanding that not everything works for everybody, especially not all at once. Right, try some things on, try them on for size, that kind of thing.

Natascha: 45:36

This whole two minute thing is still like I said, something that I play around with and I still do write it down and just write to next to it, right, and sometimes, like I said, sometimes I'm like, can I do this right now? And so, you know, be gentle with yourself, it's not like this is the only way to do it. We're just sharing how it, how it's, how it's been helpful to Allegra and how the things that have absolutely helped me, a ton, which is just not writing everything down because then I would get into like overwhelm, paralysis, you know, and then or then, yay, i have a to do list and I I'm just kind of like, you know, can't do anything. So, you know, take little tidbits, see what you think works for you and what or what you feel like you could potentially, you know, implements on a small or just start with tip one and do that for a few months and then do tip to.

Alegre: 46:27

I mean, i can tell you the reason why you know I was able to write these mistakes is because I had been that person who did make these crazy lists. I used to be a list maniac, multiple lists. I tried different methods. I was like, maybe, if I have one list for personal, one list per professional. I've tried a ton of different ways again that my brain's like what's the best way to do this, what's the best way to do this? And it's only because I've made these mistakes that I can tell you this is what worked for me, to the point where I don't make any lists. I literally just write down into my planner when they're gonna, when, when they need to happen, and then I don't think about it.

Natascha: 47:06

She's just right to three, to tip three, she just immediately time blocks and I'm like, oh my God, i don't know how you do that. You know like it's and it's not that it's not like, couldn't you know like I need to go through this process? I need to go through the? you know so. But she's just immediately like time blocks it right, and so to her life. And that's I need to.

Alegre: 47:26

It needs to just stay a little bit and it's so funny too because, like, sometimes something will pop up. Like I was thinking today about how Natasha and I have to plan our buscation for the fall, which is we take two days and we focus on the business, but you know, we're moms, so it's also like a vacation, just what. I only have to feed myself.

Natascha: 47:44

Like what restaurant do we want to go to?

Alegre: 47:46

You know, and so I was like what? I don't have dates from the reservations manager. Why is that? I look at my email and it says we don't open updates for September until June. So I look at June and it says in June, book retreat for September. Like I had already put it there, like it had popped up in my head just randomly And I was like, oh see, i already put it there And I didn't put it in a specific date, i just put it in the month of June because that's when it needs to happen, right. So when things, these things pop up like, oh, nutcracker tickets, when do those goes on, go on sale, i'm like, okay, in October, i'll like, right, by nutcracker tickets, right, that sort of thing. So, and then my brain is so empty, so much freer because I don't have this like, wait, what was that thing that I needed to think about? But I, this is not how I was born, it was trial and error that got me here.

Courtney: 48:37

I mean I'm 49.

Alegre: 48:39

I'm 49, i've had a lot of time to trial and error things.

Courtney: 48:44

I'm not going to do something like totally because the way you're speaking about things, this is like my mother. my mom will be like we're going on vacation a month and a half from now and she's already talking to me. We need to start figuring out, like, what we're going to have for dinner. I'm like mom, can I please get through this week? like, yeah, i can't, i can't. Okay, so if I get these books, i will be well on my way to being that planner. one question about time blocking. do you have information in the book more about time? I understand time blocking, but do you have, like, yeah, how would it kind of segment things out?

Natascha: 49:23

Yes, okay, and we also have a. We also have a free principle that kind of walks you through time blocking and then like a time blocking sheet. Something I am really good at with time blocking is, if I have, like, if I have a day at home And I, like you know, there's multiple things that I need to get done, i will time block that day, because otherwise that day just gets away from me. If I just work off a list, that day goes away, but if I time block that day, you know it's so I we have a sample time blocking day thing, day, but you can, you know, obviously, time block your week, right, that's, that's something you could do as well. So we have a free print principle and we'll send, you will make sure that link is available to use, that you can put it in your show notes and wherever else, yeah, wherever else you um, you know, post your things. We also have.

Alegre: 50:10

um, you know, natasha and I pretty much offer everything that we do in written format and video format, because we know as educators that some people take in information one way and some people take another. we do have a free video course on the creating your morning ritual, and it's really more of an introduction because the videos are two minutes long and we send you one two minute video three days in a row, so it's really just like this little bite size. So, and that's totally free on our website, bydreamscom.

Courtney: 50:41

Okay And you tell our listeners you already kind of did, but where can we find you All?

Natascha: 50:47

the socials. our handle is BYWDreams, So you'll find us on Instagram and TikTok and Facebook and YouTube on BYWDreams.

Alegre: 50:58

And, as we mentioned, our business is called Beyond Your Wildest Dreams, and it's called that because, really, when I started this journey, when my daughter was five, which is almost eight years ago now and I thought you know, i know that I want to be able to do more, i don't know how I'm going to be able to, but at this point I can tell you that the life that I am living is beyond my wildest dreams of where I was eight years ago. So it is possible, and believing it's possible is the first step.

Courtney: 51:25

I believe, I believe I'm just going to be a little bit slower in the process.

Alegre: 51:32

Absolutely You take the time. Yeah, we're all on our own journey.

Courtney: 51:38

Yes, and if you could leave our listeners with one tip that they can focus on this week to kind of help them raise healthier children, what would that be?

Alegre: 51:50

I think a lot about sleep hygiene because my child is at that stage where you know she just wants to stay up.

Alegre: 51:59

It's just like life is so exciting, i just want to stay up all night long.

Alegre: 52:02

And there's just so much brain science, there's so much science about how important it is to that kids get their sleep I mean adults as well, but good sleep hygiene is just so important And you know, i've had members in my family who have very poor sleep hygiene and, like just an interesting fact that will scare the heck out of you and also make you take sleep hygiene seriously. If you don't make it through all of the different stages of sleep, you don't process learning or good memories, the light levels of sleep, you only process bad memories, like how horrible is that? So people who are not good sleepers, in my experience do seem to be people who, like see everything as negative. And here's the science behind why because they're only processing the bad memories. And so, knowing that, knowing that I want her like I spent this whole day homeschooling her I want her to process that information tonight, you know, really working on developing a ritual for her to go to bed so that she sleeps well through the night.

Natascha: 53:08

That's really nice because I definitely, we definitely had a sleep time ritual when they were younger And now that they're older, it's kind of like the Wild West is like brush your teeth, go to bed, see you tomorrow. You know what I mean. Like, because you know so many years of like, you take a bath and we do the thing, and then I laid down and we read seven books and then we sing a song, and then we you know what I mean I'm just like, oh my God, i'm so done with that, you know so. Like. So now that they're 10 and 12, i'm just like, peace out, you know, and see the light on. I'm like, hey, turn off the light, but there's, that's. That's great advice, allegra, because yeah, that's sleep hygiene and something myself I need to. You know, some days I'm better at it than others.

Natascha: 53:46

My takeaway, or last little bit, is something we mentioned earlier, which is, you know, is really modeling to your children that boundary of self care and that and that you do. You have 60 seconds And this, this whole idea with the 60 seconds, may not sound a lot. It may not sound like it's something that works. It's actually a Japanese philosophy called Kaizen and the Kaizen way and they. It has been used in corporate Japan and throughout Japan This idea of if you give yourself like a very small increment of this change that you want to do, over time it will build into a lengthier habit and there's there's lots of research to support that idea as well. So you have 60 seconds and that 60 seconds doesn't sound like a lot, but you have it. Figure out what that 60 seconds for me right now stretching, but whatever that might be for you And it could be like you know, 60 seconds of I don't know you're just sitting still and drinking your coffee instead of running around like whatever it is find it, create that boundary for yourself and let your family know that it's happening right And that you just train them to you know, treat you the way that you want to be treated and they and again you're modeling it for them. I feel like that's such a huge thing for them to see that you're, that you're prioritizing yourself, and it gives them permission to do the same I used to before I really was conscious of like creating a ritual.

Natascha: 55:16

I used to say that like the best part of my morning was when I would grind the coffee beans, and it was just so loud that it drowned out everything else in the morning. Would you be like man? I'm like I didn't have to hear the yet screaming, the yelling, all the other stuff that's going on in the house. I'm just like coffee grinder is the most peaceful thing that I can think of right now. So maybe that's it, i don't know. Find your 60 seconds that then hopefully wedges into you. Know some more seconds.

Courtney: 55:48

Perfect. Thank you so much for taking time out of your day for this conversation. I've really enjoyed it.

Natascha: 55:54

Our pleasure, courtney, thank you so much. Thank you for having us.

Jozlyn: 56:02

Thanks for taking the time out of your day to listen to our podcast. We hope you found this information valuable and can incorporate it into your family's life. Make sure to check out our show notes for all the important links available. Come join us on Facebook at mom's raising healthy humans community page. Also, please check out our wide range of memberships family, monthly focus, ideas, challenges, live events and on demand and live workouts, meal plans and so much more. Head to formfitonlinecom and, as always, keep moving.