Ep 66: Tools to help Children Dealing with Anxiety with Sara from Mighty and Bright

Today I'm speaking with Sara from Mighty and Bright, where she creates organizational charts for children who are coping with changes in their lives (like divorce or a family member with cancer) and helping to provide routines through these visual charts.

Introduce yourself and explain what led you to start Mighty and Bright and your organizational/chore charts?

-Feel free to touch on visual learners and why they may need these charts for a better understanding of what is expected

-How can these charts help our create systems in our household to decrease the stressors many families struggle with?

-Tell us about your products and how we can find them and learn more from you.


Website link: mightyandbright.com
Instagram: instagram.com/mightyandbrightco

Insights Into Teens

A father and daughter discussion about the everyday struggles of teens in today's...

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Transcript

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Welcome to raising healthy humans, a podcast created for busy moms, where you can easily find information on health and wellness for your family. Enjoy experts who share tips on how to raise children through each phase of life. Gather current information on nutrition and wellness and listen to Courtney, a health coach, movement specialist and founder of form fit and active and supportive community where she helps busy moms move more on raising healthy humans podcast, Courtney shares her personal life experiences, training, knowledge and conversations with other health and wellness experts. So you can raise healthy humans. Today, I'm speaking with Sarah from mighty and bright, where she creates organizational charts for children who are coping with changes in their lives. Think like divorce, or a family member being diagnosed with cancer. And she helps to provide routines through these visual charts. So if you or someone you know is dealing with a similar life change in their little, little ones involved, I encourage you to listen and check out mighty and bright charts to help with this transitional time. I hope you enjoy. Hi, Sarah, how are you today? I'm good. How are you? Thanks so much for having me here. Yes, I'm so happy to have you here. So you have the company mighty and bright. Yeah. Can you talk to us about how this came about? What you, you know where it all came from? Sure. Yeah, I think like many people who start companies it was born out of necessity. My daughter was two and I had separated from her dad about six months earlier. And she was really struggling a lot with anxiety. And I took her to a therapist at two, my ex husband was like, What is a therapist going to do for a two year old? And I was like, I don't know. But I need somehow. And so I went to this therapist and was basically just telling her you know, all of the things that my daughter was struggling with. And it was super helpful in that I learned a lot about child development like my my backgrounds in psychology, but not child psychology and man are those kids fascinating. So I learned a lot of you know about how to talk to her and how much she understands. And it was way more than I knew. And then the therapist went on vacation and how she prepared my daughter that she was going on vacation was fascinating to me, she took out this like construction paper calendar that she had made. And she was showing my daughter, you know, usually we see each other in this day, but we're not gonna see each other on this day. And instead, we're gonna see each other in this day, and I'm watching this whole thing happen. And I'm thinking, why do we not do this for kids of divorce, like so they understand when they're gonna see each parent? Because my daughter was constantly asking, When am I going to see Daddy, when am I going to see daddy and I had run a business for six years, at that point, doing illustrations, I had these illustrations of our family. And I printed them out and I made this janky calendar. And it was like night and day. I mean, it made the biggest difference. It I put like her school days on there, in addition to you know, when she was going to see her dad when she was going to be with me. And it was I couldn't believe just how big of a difference it made in her anxiety level and her behavior, all of it. And so that's kind of how it started was I thought there is literally nothing out there like this. So other parents could probably benefit from this. So that's how it started. And then, as time went on, I realized, you know, there are other issues that people have with anxiety. So I started adding different magnets to what I was doing, you know, to show after school activities and lessons and all of that. But then when my daughter was six, I was diagnosed with cancer. You Yeah, it was not good. I was 34. And it was shocking. And so then it became like, Okay, how do I manage this because I thought divorce was hard. And now I'm like in the middle of something that's just absolutely horrendous. And the number one thing was how do I explain this to my daughter, and I had always been I'm a like, Let's go friend of books sort of person to help help have that conversation. Because a lot of the time, books are great when you're in a stressful situation, because they give you the words that you didn't know you didn't, you know, you weren't able to come up with yourself, because that person wrote the book when they weren't totally stressed out. So I did like six books on Amazon and did not like a single one of them. None of them actually explained what cancer was, okay. A lot of them were about like hair loss. And a lot of them were about breast cancer. And I just felt like I wanted to explain, like the science of cancer to her. And because of the work I had been doing with mighty and bright, and all the research I had done about child development, I understood like, kids can actually understand this, we just need to explain it in an age appropriate way, right. And so I basically came up with a way to explain what cancer is like how our bodies are made of cells, and how, you know, they're basically like Legos, but they can make new ones, and everyone has a job. And all they do is their job and make more copies of themselves. So I explained to her that sometimes a broken cell gets made, and then he doesn't know what his job is. And all he can do is just keep making more copies of themselves. And then before long, there's just like a big ol clump of guys that aren't doing their jobs that are just making more. And then before long, they start to make it hard for other cells to do their jobs. So I was able to explain that to her and then say to her, you know, I found it before, there were a whole bunch of guys, because sometimes when they have a whole bunch of guys, they can like, pack up their stuff and like try and travel to a different part of the body. And that's like, a whole other level, where you have to get medicine and all that. So explain that to her. And by just explaining it to her in a very matter of fact, way. It wasn't scary. I mean, she came out of the room where I told her, she went to my mom, and she's like, Mommy told me, and my mom was like, What did she tell tell you and she was like, she had something, I don't remember what it's called, but it's gonna be okay. And I was like, This is great. And so then I went in for my surgery, because I had so much cancer in my breast, I had to have both of them removed. And when I woke up from surgery, I found out that it had in fact spread. And so I needed to have chemo. And so because of the way I had explained it, it was very easy for me to like add on to the conversation and be like, Well, it turned out, one of the guys like packed up a suitcase, and moving to a different place. And so I have to have that medicine and it does mean my hair is gonna fall out, etcetera, etcetera. So I felt like pretty good about the way that I explained it to her. But what I didn't realize how chaotic cancer treatment is. And, you know, you're bringing in other people to help my mom basically moved in with us because I was so single parent. You know, my daughter was confused about who was doing school drop off and pickup. And so I created a calendar to explain cancer treatment. And that was really the part where things started to become really clear to me that life is hard. And we need help as parents, we need help helping our kids cope. And so now I have nine children's books, I have a whole bunch of different kinds of calendars, I have them for just like everyday transitions, whether it's like back to school, or just like any kind of anxiety a child might be having to things like divorce, cancer treatment, a child's cancer, like their own diagnosis or that of a siblings, foster kids, like all the things. So, yeah, so that is kind of the history of how it started and where it is now. Okay. Now, with the charts that you've created. Is it all specific to coping through different situations? Or do you also have, like just regular daily organization of schedules for families who just have chaotic? Yes. So it's like for everyone, right? Because the thing is, like, kids don't handle change very well. It's really, really scary to them. And it doesn't matter whether it's a giant change, like divorce, right, or a smaller change, like going back to school or switching teachers or even like a lot of younger kids really struggle with like winter break. You know, anything where the routine is changing or the schedule is changing, or, you know, just like day to day They don't have the ability to keep track of these things in their heads. And quite frankly, neither do I. I mean, if Right, yeah, I'm always amazed at families who deal with divorce. How those kids I mean, with going from, you know, picked up moms dropping you off from school dads picking you up from school, and then you're going to stay with dad, and then it flips, that is very, that's a lot for them to have too. It is a lot, it is a lot. But you know what, like, in general life has kind of a lot for kids. Because Because so many, like different after school activities. And you know, it just complicates things when different people are doing drop offs and pickups and they don't know where they're sleeping that night, just because they're sometimes they can worry that people are going to forget them. And so that was something that I realized when I was going through treatment was how, you know, worried my daughter was like, what if I don't know who's coming to pick me up? What if they forget. And a big part of it, too, is like, these are individual calendars that like the child owns. And that makes a huge difference. Because I think a lot of families will have these big, you know, command centers with these giant calendars. And, and my family has that too. But my daughter doesn't need to know about the cats about appointment, she needs to know, like, this is my life, these are the things that affect me, something is only on it, if it affects her. So if I'm taking the cat somewhere while she's at school that is not relevant to her. And giving them their own charts, makes them feel a sense of ownership over it, which then makes them feel more in control. So it's less of life happening to them, and more of a sense of ownership and participation in their lives, and not create so much overwhelmed because as you're saying this, I'm like, oh my goodness, this is what I do with my own calendars. I have my Work calendar where I write down what I have to do. And then I have a family calendar to write down what is happening within the family that may not pertain to me, some of us, but it then gets moved to my calendar. So why wouldn't we have our children having their own? So they're especially you know, if you have siblings, more children in the home, they don't need to see what everybody's doing, because that's very overwhelming. Especially young, you know, the younger children? Yeah, that's totally confused. Yeah. So to be able to have them have their own. And is this a chart that they then is it like a magnetic I noticed that they had little magnets? Yeah, that was it. They weren't the little magnets. Yeah. So they're, it's called a connection calendar. And basically, the idea is that you sit down with your kids every Sunday, and you go through the calendar together, and they add in the magnets that are appropriate for that week. And they come with these little stickers. So you don't have to have 100 billion magnets, you have these like reusable stickers, so you can peel them on and off and you're connecting with your kids while you're putting this together. They feel that sense of ownership, because they're the ones that are filling in the calendar. And then it hangs in the same place every every week, so And every day, so they know where to go to access it. And also for younger kids who don't have a good concept of time. You know, there's a way of I have these little stickers that they can put directly on the chart that show that every day begins with wake up and goes and asleep. And that way, you know, for younger kids, that was my number one thing when that therapist took that calendar out was like How is my daughter supposed to like, understand time, like how is this supposed to make any sense? But the using the words sleeps, so three sleeps until dad's house. That's how you get kids to understand. And then there's little magnets that can say today and tomorrow and yesterday, if you're wanting them to understand, you know, this is what happened yesterday. This is what's happening tomorrow, but this is today. Okay. Okay. And just having that visual helps them to kind of move through the day. And do you have it to where within the chart you said they're reusable stickers, or they're specific to things that they're doing as well. Like if they have activity Yes, things like Okay, okay. Yeah, I tried to come up with basically anything I may think of, but then magnets themselves are like they're colorful, but they're like sort of blank. So they work with wet erase markers too. So if there's something that I forgot, you can like write on there and the, the charts themselves are totally dry erase so you can write directly on the calendar to and super fun tip for anybody who has anything dry erase. You can use Sharpie on dry erase for things that are more permanent. So like every Wednesday we have Taco Night. Okay, okay, right taco night on there in Sharpie and you can remove it with hand sanitizer or an alcohol swab. Never in my life did I think I was going to be a dry erase expert that I was like, Are you kidding? That's like so amazing. Okay, mind blown here. So Sharpie I can now use on dry erase. And I just take alcohol to it, and it'll remove it. Yeah. Okay, that's might not want to waste the good vodka on it. But you know what I mean? Yeah, okay. So pretty, pretty helpful. And, and there's a daily chart and a weekly chart too. So especially for younger kids, they really need to understand their their routines, right. And the daily chart is about like, this is what happens in the morning. This is what happens in the evening. And that way, they're more empowered to take control of their own routine. And it helps them with transitions to like, especially toddlers, you know, talking about not coping well with change, like how many toddlers are throwing a fit, because they don't want to stop playing right? And move on to the next task, because the next task is not fun. Uh huh. You know? So speaking about that, because I love this concept, especially for those younger children, like you said, because they're not used to change, they don't like change. So for them to visualize it, to be able to go through this whole process. Are you when you're working with your child? Are you like showing them as you go? Like, this is where we are right now? And then, you know, yes. Yes, I think it depends on the age, especially the younger ones, they really don't, but you can also just direct them to the chart and say, like, go check your chart. But the big thing for toddlers is a visual timer. Oh, okay. Okay, love the visual timer. It's baby Time Timer makes a really great visual vegetable. I mean, nobody can see this, but I will show you basically it's a giant timer has a face that has, you know, zero to 60 minutes, but you can make it so that it visually is showing how much time is left. And when you set it, it'll count down and the kid can see how time is shrinking. Okay, absolutely amazing. It's called a Time Timer. Okay, and things are so expensive. But for the record, like they do have, like knockoffs, I'm sorry. Okay, so go look at it, see what it is at the time timer, and then you start looking for something else. Yeah, I will say the Time Timer is super high quality, but they also have a free app for your phone. So you can just download that whether you have an Android or an iPhone. Okay. Talk to me about the books that you've written. So you said eight or 999? Yes, you've written so you've written about cancer? Yeah, the first one was about cancer. And it is now used in children's hospitals all over the country. Because using there was nothing out there that explained the science of cancer. And so hospitals started ordering it and then started asking me to create one for children with cancer to explain their own diagnosis to them. Right. So I have three books about cancer for books. Okay, first one, I wrote the one that is for someone I love who is cancer, one for siblings of children with cancer and one for children themselves with cancer. Okay, I have one about divorce. Okay. And I have one about change in general, because as we mentioned, you know, nothing stays the same right here. Right. And that can be really hard for kids. And so it covers all the different changes large and small from you know, starting switching desks at school, to moving to a new state, you know, all of those things. And then I have three books that are all about learning to understand your emotions. So the first one is about identifying emotions. The second one is about the nervous system. And the third one is about how Sometimes when we get so overwhelmed with our emotions, it's really hard for us to see things for what they really are and how, you know, sometimes we our brains are like basically making up stories about, you know, how terrible everything is. But if we can make another plan, you know, things, things start to feel better. So that series is part of my kids Mental Health Program, which is all about teaching kids the skills that they need that science shows help them to develop a positive foundation for mental health. Okay, so and what age range? Would you say that those are for? The charts themselves are great for kids two to 12. I mean, my kid, my kid is literally 12. And I thought, you know, middle school, we were okay, just having that command center. So she actually came to me and was like, I want my calendar back. I'm so stressed, I don't know when I'm gonna go anywhere. So, you know, kids of all ages can benefit from the calendars. The books and the mental health subscription are mostly aimed at elementary aged kids. So anywhere from five to fifth grade, their picture books, and I have a couple that are, you know, more simple for younger kids, and I'm working on a divorce one that is more simple for toddlers. Okay. Okay. Now, yes, our children are going back to school and everything. I'm thinking, how, how did you notice? I mean, you said you noticed a huge difference with your own daughter, when you got these charts. Do you find that families are? Like, what have What have people said to you about how it's changing their family's life, I would assume not just the organizational aspect, but like you said, the mental health, the whole anxiety, that is just sometimes I think our children are anxious about things, and they don't know how to explain that they're anxious. And it may be something as simple as just having this grounded foundational information that they can see. Right? Absolutely. I think a lot of kids who are struggling with change, they don't realize that that is what is going on. And a lot of parents will see their kids getting like super rigid, where they are just exploding at the idea of anything deviating from what you said was going to happen. So you're, you're like, oh, you know, we're actually going to go grocery shopping. What he said we were doing that tomorrow? Why are we doing that? Now, I don't want to do that. I don't want to do that at all. You know, things like that. A lot. And a lot of kids are asking lots and lots of questions, they will ask 100 billion questions, like, when are we going to do this? When are we going to do that? And they'll ask it over and over and over again. And as parents, we're like, Good lord, child, I told you that five freakin minutes ago, but they can't keep it in their heads. And we don't realize that anxiety, we just think they are being kind of annoying. And the rich the rigidity, it's interesting, because I think a lot of parents have talked to a few parent coaches who they just want their kids to have these calendars because they know how helpful they are. But the parents are really resistant to it, because they're like, my kid is already bonkers about making us like do the exact same thing every day. And I don't want to make it worse. But it actually it makes it better. Because you're giving them a sense of control by showing them what to expect. And that allows them to release that anxiety and then be more flexible because they know what's coming, especially if they are stressed because there's something that they really want to do. And they don't know when they get to do that thing. And so you're like, okay, kid, you know, it's time to stop playing with whatever you're playing with. And we're gonna go to the grocery store. They don't know when they get the opportunity to do that again. And so they don't want to stop doing it. And then they'll ask you over and over and over again. When is my next play date? When do I get to see bla bla bla bla bla bla bla again? What do I When do I get to do this? When do I get to do that? I don't want to do this, you know, but when it's all shown to them. Take a deep breath. Right? Well, I'm even thinking how you could do that to where you put in everything. Kind of like how time blocking we do you know you put in everything that has has to be done on the calendar. And then you get to choose how you want to fill in the rest, you got it. And actually, some of my I just had a customer tell me last week, that the only way she got out of the house in the mornings with her kid, her, her six year old daughter was just like, I don't want to leave the house, the only way that they did it was, and this is what I recommend to parents that they do is when you're putting together the routine, you sit with them, and you say, Okay, these are the things that need to be done. And then you give the child the opportunity to choose the order in which it is done. So unless they're saying, you know, I want to put on my shoes before I put on my clothes, and it doesn't really make sense. It doesn't matter what order they are doing things in and giving them that power. And even the shoes before they close. I mean, you can let them figure it out themselves, that's not going to work out. But giving them that sense of control. And that sense of power changes their behavior, because they're no longer fighting you. And you're not having these power struggles in the mornings and in the evenings because you've given them some power. Right. Right. Now, would you say that with your charts? I mean, because you just mentioned? Are you? Is it that minute? Like Put on your clothes? It's the age, okay, depends on the age. And it depends on you know, kids with autism really need things that are broken down. Even smaller than that, you know, for like tooth brushing, and I'm, I'm working on a collaboration with an autism expert, we're going to come out with a task chart for children who really need assistance with things like hygiene, and you know, put the toothpaste on the toothbrush, then get it wet. But younger kids to answer your question. Yeah, they do need that level of I mean, that's what I'm saying a two year old can benefit from this, like, for real, a two year old can be doing this stuff. It's pretty awesome. I think part of you know, as they get older, we start to realize we start to forget how many things that they are actually capable of doing themselves because we're so used to doing things for them. But when you can empower them to do things themselves, it gives them so much self confidence. Yeah, yeah, definitely. I was even thinking like, I wouldn't say that. It may be even our older children need these reminders. It depends on what it is. Yeah, I mean, like our our routine still has hang your towel up. You know, middle school. Yeah. Brush your teeth sometimes. Brush your teeth, brush your hair, flush the toilet. Um, all of these stickers exist for a reason. You have so much so many stickers. I and I was looking. There's even some sticker like, power, empowering. Stickers, I noticed as well, right where you had little I don't want to say sayings but kind of like little empowering. Yeah. So I think what you're thinking is I have on the website, some low wooden tokens. Oh, yes. Okay. Yes, they are. And I was looking at that's part of the Mental Health Program. Okay. So basically teaching our kids how to shift from a kind of a victim sort of mindset to a more problems, solution oriented mindset, and teaching our kids how to do that. Because positive self talk is such an important part of mental health. And it's something that we as adults struggle with so much that so many of us don't know how to teach it to our kids, because we suck at it ourselves. Right? Yeah. So a lot of that program is like, you know, the way that it works is it's a program, and then it comes with an actual tool in the mail, so that you can help your leg learn and teach this skill. We're using an actual physical tool. And so it's about learning alongside your kids, because so many of these things we weren't taught when we were kids, and we don't do them well ourselves. And we, you know, any kind of tip that we can have that's simple, and actionable, and solution oriented, that really makes a difference is a win in my book. Yeah, well, and I was, I'm thinking like, even just all that negative self talk that we deal with, I'm sure. As parents being able to help our children go through this, it will then in turn help us as well. Yeah, it's pretty. It's pretty cool. I mean, being a parent is really, really hard. But it is one of the things best learning experiences, I feel like if I mean, if you are trying to, like be a good parent, there's no way you get out of it without learning a lot yourself and becoming a better human yourself. And, and me and you're seeing I always find this so interesting with my children, they mirror back to me everything. And I'm like, Oh, I've got to look at it differently. Now I have to, because it's my child. Now. Something that I didn't like about myself. I'm seeing in my child, which makes you be much more forgiving. Yes. Of that. 100%. Yeah. Yeah. All right. I think that we do a lot of things for our kids that maybe we wouldn't have done for ourselves. Like, I stayed in my marriage for so long. You know, but when I saw how it was affecting my daughter, I was like, I'm willing to do anything to make her life better, including leaving this marriage, which I wasn't going to do for myself. Right. So I She's just, I mean, I would do any I chew through a brick wall for that kid. She's awesome. I love everything that you're doing. I think it's absolutely amazing. I, I just think it's, I'm an I'm a calendar person I love you know, I'm I love the visual, I do not like it on my phone. So this just really rings true to me. And I want our listeners to be able to know, where can they find you? Where can they learn more about your products, you also mentioned a membership, correct with your mental health, is that a like, it's actually a subscription, where you we've designed it. So we did a whole lot of research during COVID really worried about kids mental health, and really concerned that there weren't a lot of openings for, you know, mental health professionals to be seen children, right. So we did a lot of research about what it is that kids need, what skills they need in order to be able to cope with things like a pandemic, right, or just day to day life, because none of us gets out of here unscathed, right. And so what we did was created a mental health skills program where each each month builds on the last so that kids are learning different skills that they need, and you as a parent are learning alongside them. So that they have this toolbox essentially, to go into adulthood with to go into even middle school with because so many of us are terrified. What happens when our kids are in situations that are scary, and they don't know how to cope with it. You know, there's so many like teenage boys, especially who are like, have their first breakup and can't cope. And so what we're trying to do is give our kids these skills early, so that when they're grownups, or when their first heartbreak happens, you know, they have something to hold on to. And these skills are what they need, according to science. So that's what the mental health skills program is. Okay. So you touched a nerve with me, because I have a 16 year old boy, and he's in, you know, his first love. And it terrifies me. Is this something? I'm guessing it's a little too old for? No, I mean, well, like we could. I mean, you know, I think the thing is, when we, when we have that structure, it's basically a roadmap, right? Because there's so it can be so overwhelming. You're like, how do I teach my kids how to cope? I like I don't even know how to do this. So yeah, we try hard enough to cope myself sometimes. Right? And so basically, what we're doing is we've created this like roadmap of like, okay, you start here, here's this step, he's probably not going to enjoy the picture books so much. But it is you're never too old to learn these coping skills like we, as adults are learning these things now, because our parents didn't teach us these things, right. And my goal is to help parents who want to raise their kids differently than they were raised, who want them to be raised with, you know, mental health skills, with the ability to cope with things with the ability to talk about their feelings, all of these things. That is what my goal is, and sometimes it starts with something terrible happening. You know, it starts with a cancer diagnosis, right? Sometimes it starts with a divorce. Sometimes it just starts with, we're going back to school, and my kid is worried and I don't know how to help I'm deal with that worry. And I don't know how to put this. Like, I think sometimes the solutions are actually a lot more simple than we expect them to be. And as parents, there's so much information that's just like being thrown at you. And as someone who went through cancer, I can tell you, I had to pare everything down to the bare minimum. And it turns out, having things simple, is actually more effective than a lot of this complicated stuff. Everybody. All the time. Yeah, I am. I agree. Yeah. So I mean, it really is amazing. The impact that just showing your child what to expect everyday happens like something where like, Could it just be a little bit more complicated than that? Like, I don't believe it. I think that's why the parent coaches are like, I just wish parents would do this. They I think they just don't think it's gonna have that much of an impact. Because it sounds simple. Right? Okay, to answer your question, everything is that mighty and bright.com? Okay, so they can find everything. And this, the organizational charts, they can get there with all the different magnets and everything. And you've got little pockets, I noticed where you had, you know, you put a couple of things together, you could kit, I guess, would be the best way to describe it. And then this mental health one, is it ongoing? Is there a certain amount of time is it? It's a 12 month program? Okay. And so yeah, we've developed it so that, I mean, there's no end to, to learning how to identify your emotions and figure out where they live in your body. There's no end to any of these things. They're ongoing, lifelong processes. So it's not like after 12 months, you're done. Right? But you then introduced everything that research shows helps kids to feel safe, secure, have that foundation, perfect, perfect. Okay, is there anything you would like to leave our listeners with just one thing that they might be able to do to help their children be better at coping? I think, unfortunately, a lot of it comes back to us, and our own willingness to be open and honest with our kids, and be vulnerable with them, apologize to them. Doing stuff that can be really hard, apologizing to your kids can be really scary when you do it for the first time. Admitting that you don't know everything can be really scary. But that kind of vulnerability is what builds true connection with our kids. So just the willingness to not be perfect, and to admit it is sometimes a really amazing gift you can give your kids yeah. Excellent. Thank you so much for taking the time out of your day. Thank you so much. This is really fun. Thank you for taking time out of your day to listen to our podcast. I hope you found this information valuable, and hope that you can immediately use some of the information that was provided, make sure to check out the show notes for all of the links that we discussed today. 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