71 | Parenting tips for ADHD with Dana of Parenting in Real Life

Today I spoke with Dana of Parenting in Real Life. She is a parent and teen coach who helps families navigate and understand Anxiety and ADHD. Even if you don't have a child who has been diagnosed with either of these, I encourage you to listen in as you may have some Aha moments like I did today. I hope you enjoy this interview and find some valuable takeaways.

-Introduce yourself and explain why you became a Parent and Teen Coach

-You work with families who struggle with anxiety and ADHD. How might we want to handle these children/teens differently?

-Indicators of ADHD for teens that may not have been diagnosed as children? and do we need to get our child diagnosed?

-How can we help our child feel more secure and confident if they have these issues of ADHD or anxiety?

-Tell us about how we can learn more from you.

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Welcome to raising healthy humans, a podcast created for busy moms where you can easily find information on health and wellness for your family. Enjoy experts who share tips on how to raise children through each phase of life. Gather current information on nutrition and wellness and listen to Courtney, a health coach movement specialist and founder of form fit and active and supportive community where she helps busy moms move more on raising healthy humans podcast Courtney shares her personal life experiences, training, knowledge and conversations with other health and wellness experts so you can raise healthy humans. Today I spoke with Dana of parenting in real life. She is a parent and team coach who helps families navigate and understand anxiety and ADHD. Even if you don't have a child who has been diagnosed with either of these, I would encourage you to listen in as you may have some aha moments like I did today. I hope you enjoy this interview. And I really hope you find some valuable takeaways from it. It's definitely one that I will be pondering for a while. I hope you enjoy it. Hi, Dana, how are you? I'm great. How are you? I'm wonderful. Thank you for joining me today. I wanted to ask you, how did you become a parent coach? Well, it's a parent and team coaching parents in any any age really, okay. It's expanded. But I started because of something that I went through with my daughter. I just gotten disability. And so I came home, I had a big job and was traveling. So I came home. And the good news from that was that when I picked her up from kindergarten one day, her teacher said, Well, I'm so glad you're home, maybe the stomach aches will stop. I was like, I haven't heard about any stomach aches. So then when I was home, I was seeing indications that something was really wrong in that she was having tantrums which Okay, she was, you know, five tantrums happen or, but happen when she was transitioning. Or if a change of plan came it was, you know, just she couldn't handle it. playdate. She wanted a certain number of kids had to be small. You know, all those things. So what if questions, so I started thinking, okay, something's off. And so I started asking them to Oh, I know the other thing was, not only was she looking anxious, she couldn't remember numbers. So she got older, and she was doing first grade and second grade her spelling. She was doing it very odd. They couldn't get the spelling. And then she was calling her friend every morning to walk to school together when they were like fourth, third, fourth grade. And every morning, she called her. And every morning she asked me what her phone number was. I was like, Huh, that's Monica couple of years. I couldn't remember birthdays. Anyway. So long story short, I started talking to teachers. They didn't say stay said she was fine. She was perfect. She had a third grade teacher who used to be a special ed teacher. So I said she'd know. Yeah, she's fine. She's great. She does really well in school. Well, she did. But she did hours of homework. And she was, you know. So anyway, I ended up getting her tested. But meanwhile, family dynamic wasn't very good. Because my husband didn't really see it. He's like, everybody's saying she's fine. So she's fine. My mother in law's like, Oh, you're just cobbling her. You know, all these things. And there were so many blow ups, right. And then there were gloves for you, me and my husband. And it was just kind of not great. Anyway, once she got diagnosed with ADHD, and anxiety and depression, there was something for her right, so we could get her into the right therapy. We tried several already, but we found somebody, we got her medication, which is a hard thing to do to make that decision. So, you know, I'm not easy about that. But it was life changing for us life changing, and life changing for her. And she felt so much better. So, when I was doing that, I realized that there was nobody for me. So we got her all set up. But there aren't therapists that know much about ADHD or it's certainly they weren't back when this was happening. And there were no parent coaches. And you don't talk about blowing up dynamics with your friends that much or that how hard it is with your kids, you know, so there was just nowhere for me to go. Nobody teach me how to parent her. And clearly with these neurosis differences As she didn't respond the same way, so how could I learn to parent her in a way that was effective and calmed us all down instead of being, you know, at each other's throats? So that's why I did it. I was like, Well, I don't want anyone else to feel this lonely and this alone and this overwhelmed. You know, it's overwhelming to have a kid with struggles, and you don't know how to handle them, and you don't know how to help them. Right. Right. So that's why, okay, did you notice? Or do you notice that many children who are anxious also have ADHD? Or yeah, about 35%, of glare of crossover actually. Okay. Interesting. Yeah. And I find it interesting as well, I've recently heard that they've dropped the AD D. And it's now just ADHD. So yes, I would have a child who is not hyperactive and still be considered ADHD. Correct? Absolutely. And the thing about ADHD that is so tough and tough and coaching, actually, is that it manifests differently in every single kid. Some get defiant, some get anxious, some get both. Some get OCD. Some are, are hyperactive, as you said, and fidgety, and all that. But others get so zeroed in that they don't hear anything else. Some are quiet, and kind of retreat. It's just It's crazy how different everybody is. And so that's a hard thing to do, is to figure that out and make sure your parent parenting that child. Right. Right, in a way that works for them. Right. Okay. Um, and how would you? How do you feel that you would parent them? How do you feel? Do you feel that you parent differently? I don't know. Do you have other children in the house? But yes, so I have a son. They're both older now. But okay. Yes. And it was hard for him. Because all the tension, it's really hard for the sibling and nobody thinks about the sibling really, because you're all caught up in the child that needs all your attention. Right? Right. And the sibling has a hard time, because they are always in these family dynamics that are blowing up, they are hearing tantrums all the time, they are seeing that the other child gets all that one on one attention. So that you know, so that's tough for them, which adds to the whole dynamic, right? Do you feel that you have parented them differently? Because of the diagnosis so to speak? Um, yeah, I have. I've had to, and I still I still do, okay, are very different kids. And so I want to be able to have a close relationship with each of them. Right, and that relationship looks different. Okay. So if someone is being told that their child has ADHD, are there certain things that you recommend for them to make sure that they are practicing that might be different from the normal parenting? Yeah, yeah, I do. I think the main thing is, and this is not different, this is for all kids. But I always have to say this validation, you have to validate what they're saying and listen to them. So if it's anxiety, and you don't get it, and you're like, you're fine. Just, you know, just go do it. Well, they can't. So that's not helpful. Okay. with ADHD, same thing goes. So you need to take a pause and see, is this something that they can't do? Or is it something that they won't do? And the reason I say that, and I highly recommend that pause is because if you can clue in that, it's something they can't do. That changes how you react, right? And that's important for the kid. But it's also important for you, because as a parent, I don't get as angry or as frustrated. If I understand that this is something a skill, I need to teach them. Right. So that that changes that dynamic right there. So that's one really important one, I would say, Okay. The other thing is to keep your tone of voice even, and to try to stay calm, which is hard to do. Again, pause. It's just if that's really hard to do, right, so another thing you do is take time to speak out loud when you're going through something. So one of the things that you don't really know about ADHD, but not you, but people often don't know and we're not told Hold as parents is that it's not just working memory or executive function at issue. I mean it is. But in that xx executive functioning is the organization in the planning. And there's a really hard for them. But there's also this emotional aspect that I don't think people grasp at first. And that is that they are dysregulated, they cannot contain their emotions. That is a camp, they don't know how. So that's why they might be blurting out in school. That might be why they're interrupting, it might be why they're frustrated. So when they are frustrated, that explodes. And that explosion is scary to them. So it's a tough thing to, to get through because they're scared themselves. And they don't have a way of telling you that. Because they don't necessarily understand it. Right. One of the things is they're getting older. I mean, you should tell them about their diagnosis. Young but, but the thing about as they're getting older is it actually helps them in that they can understand, you can make the lines connect, this is why math is hard. This is why you have social issue, friends issues, because they often do have fun issues, they often want have one or two really close friends, but they go in and out of groups. Sometimes they're dropped sometimes, you know. So that's important for them to understand. So they don't get as frustrated. One of my favorite words is the power of yet. I can't do this. Okay, you can't do this yet. Let me help you. You know, that just just just shifts that frustration and tone of voice and can sometimes get them from up in their heads and emotional to calmer. Okay. It's really great if you can start to understand that triggers. Also, so tune into that maybe keep a track record of what time of day? Was it when they had an explosion? Are they hungry? Eat them after school? Because yes, they are hungry? Even if they say they're not. Right, just feed them. Things like that. Is it time of day? Is it food? Is it tiredness? Is it that they've held everything and all day at school and tried to be really good? And oh, my God, they can do it for more seconds? You know, things like that. Okay. Okay. Do you notice with the teens and parents that you or even children that you work with? That they may not have some of the difficulties that you're mentioning? They're more anxious and withdrawn rather than being yelling and right. Yes, that's where all that the how it manifests is very different. Some, some are very quiet and insulated. And, and when the anxiety comes in, for sure, then if they're anxious, they that's a that's a whole it's not really a whole different look, because some of it's the same, but it's it's not the person with the hyperactivity for sure. And you have, you could be asleep disturbances, issues, right, that could be something that they have, instead of the loudness, they could have withdrawn from their friends and peers and in the family, that can be they can stop going to school or having or trying to stop going to school school refusal kicks in. And all of those things, they can have tics or hair picking or a skin picking. Now those are also part of anxious behaviors. Okay, part of anxious behavior, doesn't mean right. Okay. Okay. Hmm. So, I'm sure that you have seen a lot of children recently with more anxiety than what they used to have. Are there tools or techniques that you provide parents with the help during this anxiety? Yes. I think one of the things the anxiety is important is the supportiveness. So make sure that you are listening. And when I say listening, I mean listening, but I also mean listening to the silence. What's their mood? What is it that's triggering this? Right? So is it is it school? Or is it something deeper that's just happened with a friend or are they worried about you so they have anxiety? So separation anxiety, which can show up as going to school? or it could show up as not being able to sleep by themselves. So some of the things I teach them, it's a how to recognize it, how to be supportive of it, and understand it. Because if you don't understand it, or you're someone doesn't have anxiety, it's really hard to put yourself in their shoes. Because we're so taught to just say, get over it, just go do it, you're fine. Right? I mean, you know, we all do that. Clear communication is really important, using strength, starting from a place of strength when you're talking to them and show them the good things that they've done. Also, the things point out that they've gone through this before, and succeeded, right? Well, you've been to school before, and it was fine. Or if they're really having a tough time, try to compromise and negotiate and say, Okay, you can go for the half day today, and I'll pick you up. But here's the thing about anxiety, it is so easy as a parent to want to protect them. And to take them away from these moments, right. So if your child, my child was super scared of dogs, like crazy, she really jumped on, you know, when the seller wants to jump out from a dog. So, so instead of taking her everywhere, that there wasn't a dog, or avoiding the dogs on the street, when walking, you have to let them be exposed, you have to not let them avoid it. Because here's what the avoidance does. It says, Oh, I'm right to be afraid. It completely supports that fear, as opposed to saying, I'm strong enough. And I have the tools to get through this. Okay. And some of those tools would be understanding all this A, me? Things like deep breathing, right? Taking a pause, explaining your feelings out loud. Where is it in the body that you're feeling this? Have you felt this before? Did you get through this before, having a safe place for them to go to when they're really scared. So whether that is at school to get to a counselor's office or the library for a minute, the ability to pull yourself away when you need that quiet moment. That's really important to teach them find a place in your house that they can go to and be left alone. And where they feel safe and cocooned. Okay, that's really important, too. Okay, what about these children who may deal with anxious thoughts that are really unrealistic? That I mean, a lot of the thoughts are so here's the thing about both ADHD and anxiety, they have these racing brains. And a lot of them have this racing brain and rumination. And that can, that can be scary to have a brain that goes all the time is exhausting also. So it's almost like sitting in the front row of a Metallica concert, right and having all of this stuff coming in at you. And that's why you need quiet places. That's why you need to learn how to breathe quickly so that you can do it for yourself at school. I mean, you can do longer ones. But there are things at school, for instance, or in person that you can do to help yourself through that. To slow your brain down, you really need that they also need to understand and somehow find a way for somebody to get through to you that says, Don't believe everything you think everything you think isn't true. Okay? everything you read on the internet isn't true. So then you can walk them through one of their thoughts and, and show them that they were successful, or that it never happened, or, or here's why. Here's the chances of that happening, which is great to do. When they're in a calmer frame of mind. It is hard to get through to kids in a panic attack, right? You can't at that time, you can really just hold them if they'll let you and breathe with them. Because here's the thing that if somebody is holding next to close their heartbeat, their nervous system will echo yours. Okay, so it can calm them down without even realizing it. And a lot of times, they may be fighting at first, the holding, but in general, it's very calming to them. If you can't do that, then you have sort of a, I give people a toolbox of things that they could say, write music that you can give them to play that calms them down. You know, they often have little things that that work for them. And it's practice and that's what I do with my clients actually is practice something new every week and find the things that work and then build on those because self esteem takes a hit from all of this as well. So, you know that's important to be always making sure that you are validating them and praising them on the things that they are accomplishing and pointing that out to them. Because they get a lot of negativity why? What do you mean, you're scared? Or why can't you just sit still, you know, whichever it is? It's a lot of negativity. And so their self talk can really go down the rabbit hole of writing, like, why can I do this? I'm so stupid. You know, this is so so easy for everybody else, and all those things. And you want to kind of stop those, right? So I work on the self esteem and the self advocacy as well. Okay. Okay. Now for families. Where you have like a child who is very anxious, and a parent who's also very anxious. What could you then talk to the parent to help them because I feel like and I'm speaking about myself. So my son gets very nervous about my, one of my son's gets very nervous about everything. And it's always, you know, I mean, we've dealt with brain eating amoeba, it's like, it's that kind of pointless. Yeah. So and, you know, now that we have the internet, you can look everything up. And so therefore, you everything's scary. What's everything? And then, you know, for me, obviously, the brain eating amoeba one is a little far fetched. So I'm like, you know, I'm not worried about that. But then there's also the I feel a lump here, I feel this. So how do you how does a parent who's also dealing with anxiety? Because once my child tells me he's anxious about something, then I start in that cycle to have anxiety? And oh, my gosh, what if you know, something is really wrong with him? And I've got to get myself under control? And now try to get him under control? And, yes, is it all the same, like find a quiet place, in a way is very similar? And it can't tell you how many parents of anxious kids, I do teach I work with both of them? Not together, but both of them? Each of them? Because? Because that happens, right? And if you've had your child, harm themselves, whatever, then of course, you're super anxious about it. So yes, there's there's a lot of time to work in meditation, whether that's actual meditation with an app, or whether that is getting out in nature, right. So one thing that really helps anxiety is feeling the ground under your feet. So I teach some grounding skills to parents. And I also do things like, because, because when they're anxious, they also start to get that mom guilt, right? I don't know if you understand that. But no, yeah. So what can they do about that, right, so write down one thing, every day that you did that was successful. That could be if you're in the midst of kind of hell, that could be getting dressed, or getting your kid out the door to school, right? It doesn't have to be something massive. But doing something like that, finding 10 minutes a day, to do something for yourself. I have like list of self soothing exercises, and you know, if you're near water, put your hands in water, if you're having a panic attack, or if you're feeling like coming on, feel the water that can be really common, actually looking at water if that, you know, if you're at sea, whatever, those somewhere in nature, take a walk movement helps. All those things. Okay. And would you recommend for those families? Like if both of them are anxious to encourage them to do it together? Or should they kind of be separate at that point? You know, it depends how old the child is, right? Because it's a really young child, you're going to be doing different things. They're not gonna necessarily understand everything, but in general, absolutely. I think I think everybody should learn these tools, right? I mean, we all we all feel anxious sometimes. And, and so yeah, doing things teaching your child to breathe, teach you your child's take a timeout, teaching your child to take a pause, and check in with themselves. Teach them that if they are having a problem, if they're worried if their brain is racing, to write down what it is, right. So one thing I think is really helpful and it sounds you know, it sounds super easy and silly, like how could this work? But I'll tell you, it really works for my kids and my groups is writing down everything you're anxious about at night. Everything that you're worried about the next day or whatever, write it down, either put it in a box with a tarp on it, put it in another room, get it out of your bedroom, you feel a lot better. Yeah. Because your brain racing brain calms it doesn't go you know, it's not going to stop it dead probably but Um, a lot of my kid clients are like, oh my god that really works. They can go to sleep. And they don't wake up with that dread, right. And I've noticed for myself, and I think maybe this is how I learned, but I just, I want to talk about it. Like, I just want to get it out because I'm not a writer. So I don't know if that would work so well for me. But even as a child, like, if I was anxious about something, I would just start telling my mom like, and then this, you know, like, and then what if this happens, and she would just sit and listen to me? And I felt like that was like half of what I need. It was just to get it out. Yes, exactly. And how you get it out, it can definitely be talking. That's what I was talking about when I said, you know, support invalidates Listen, right? Right. Just let them do it. And then, and then instead of saying, Well, none of that's going to happen. You say, I totally understand that scary for you. You know, I see how scary that would be. Let's find a way for you to calm down. Okay. Is it gonna help? Is it bad to then offer like, well, you know, there's only a one in a billion. You know, it's not helpful, particularly at the moment. It is what we all do. Right. Right. As my daughter, yeah. Yeah, almost best. Because, right, if they're at that moment, and they're anxious, they're like, Yeah, whatever, that doesn't help me. If it doesn't change how I feel, right? I'm not being rational right now, like, these fears aren't rational. And usually they will know that as they're saying it but right. But they can't just sort of change from irrational fear to listening and taking in the actual facts. Okay, it's just, their brain isn't open to that right then. Right? When they're anxious, or in a moment, they are not able to regulate, and problem solve. Okay. They're not in a place to be able to do that. Gotcha. Okay. Would you recommend? Or would you say that for families that may be noticing that their child is anxious or may struggle with ADHD? Is there a reason to get that diagnosis? I mean, obviously, I understand extreme situations where it's uncontrollable. But on a regular, you know, like on a normal scale, like, do you recommend everybody see someone just to get a diagnosis? Or? Well, I don't recommend that for everyone. I do recommend it for anybody that is concerned that their child has this Yes. As either ADHD or anxiety, and here's why. Okay, because it's a pain to get it done. And it's expensive. And you can try to get the school to do it. If the school, but schools, sometimes if it's public school, that can be difficult, they don't want to do that, because then they're paying for it and everything. So that can be hard, but you absolutely have the right to ask for it. And the reason why I recommend it is because then they can, once they have that diagnosis, parents can understand what is happening, first of all, so there's a big diagnosis, like you get this overwhelming thing to read. And it just makes you terrified. And you think your kids never leaving the house, which is why I do this. But it actually gives you information, okay, information that's super helpful, both to the parent, but also with school, if they are anxious, or have ADHD, they can have accommodations. And they should have those accommodations, because it's just putting them on the level playing field, right. So you would give somebody aspirin, some of the things that you could do for them is extended time on tests. Sitting in a good place where it's less, you know, wherever is better, which is usually in the front of the class. You can even take tests in a different quiet environment. You can ask for written assignments, instead of just having it on the computer, you can take pretty frequent breaks, you can do progress reports back and forth from the teacher to the parent, all of those things, being able to record a class and listen to it back. The ability sometimes to doodle in class. So someone else is taking notes, because you somebody with ADHD, or anxiety both actually focus better when they're drawing sometimes listening to music, but and the instinct as a parent, if you're trying to have a conversation with them, and they're settling, you know, doodling and looking at the drawing is to be aggravated. You know, it's like, listen to me. Right, right. Yeah. Well, small tip they are listening To better by doing that, so all those things are, you have the option. And that option stays with you. So once you've had that diagnosis, even if you don't need the accommodations till High School, you still have that diagnosis. Good to know. Because, you know, everything you're saying right now is just like, it's these aha moments. Yeah. Well, in my, my son, he's dealt with anxiety, like when you mentioned the stomach aches, he dealt with this stomach aches, if I would leave for anything, I had to go away one time he was sick throwing up, because he was so nervous. And we've always known him to be an anxious child, I was an anxious child. So I've just kind of blown it off. And some of the things that you're saying here, I'm like, Oh, I wish I would have done something because he's in high school now. And we just had the new testing that they're doing. And they had a certain period of time to read a certain amount of, you know, paragraphs, whatever, answer certain questions. And he said, I had 14 minutes to read, whatever, six paragraphs, whatever he said, and he's like, I just it was, it was not enough time. I just felt and he has never struggled in a subject, which is why I've never thought of like needing to do this. But I wonder if we could have gotten him some accommodations, because some of the other things that he has said to me over time, is like making me realize that this may be more than what I thought it was. So sorry, know that I was just gonna say, So what'd you say? Like for any listeners, if there's a question, it might be worth it just because you never know what the future will hold with them. Right? And as I'll tell you, you are not alone in the high school thing, because so many parents realize it in high school. Well, actually, it's the kid, right? So, so what happens in high school is, the parents take their steps back, or they're supposed to anyway, the homework is harder, there's more of it. And they have to self advocate, which they don't really know how to do, generally. Right. So unless we've thought about it, and taught them, so it often pops up in high school. And that's okay, you can haven't tested in high school. A lot of people do, and you can still adjust. You could also try and I don't know if you've done this, and you know, but parents can also talk to the teachers and set it up and just say, hey, my child has anxiety. This is when they were younger, probably in high school, but and try to set up a conversation there to allow for it even without the testing. But the problem is that it does get worse in high school, and then college. So having the testing gives you information validates your kit. So I'll tell you one thing, Kylie was thrilled when she got the diagnosis, because she knew she knew something was wrong. And and that's where the self esteem hits, right? You're being told you're trying to tell people something's wrong. They're not seeing it. And so all of a sudden, it's not that something. You don't have a reason for being like this. You're just dumb. Right? Right. And, you know, you know, we don't want our kids feeling that way. So it's actually that validation that there is a diagnosis is, is super helpful to all of you, right, with school or without school, but then definitely with the school. So, yeah, yeah, I would say, try the diagnosis, because it can be super helpful for all of you. Okay. And the other thing, let me say, for the parents out there, if follow your gut moms, because that was a little late to the party. I tried and tried and tried and tried. But I was late to the party for getting her diagnosed. And that is a big regret. And you know, your kid best. So even though your husband or your parents or your mother in laws, or the schools, don't think you're right. Stick with it, find it. Just go with your gut, you know, your child the best. The one other question I had for you was in regards to my son, and just something he had said, and maybe we don't have to speak about his specific situation, but it might be something that other moms notice as well. So we were talking about and this was kind of like my aha moment. This was a little bit deeper than what I ever thought it was. We were talking about. So he's at the age where he can go get his permit to drive. And he said, Mom, I just don't know if I really want to go get my permit. because it seems like driving is such a mundane thing, that I'm gonna lose focus and not pay attention. Oh, wow, that yeah, that's that's an aha moment for you. Yeah. Because he realized he loses focus if he's bored. I would say run, go get undiagnosed. Right. Okay. We'll see. And the problem is his grades are always we there is not any they're highly often indicators anxiety, yes, some questionable things that he did as a child that made me think what do you do? You know, like that kind of stuff. But that was my aha moment like, Huh? Really? You don't? So I'll tell you, I'll actually ask you a question. Okay. When, when he needs to do something, and you just say go do it. Or if there's math homework is easy for him to sit down and start to or his his Yeah, yeah, he gets a ton. I mean, and math is one of those subjects like he just it's very easy for him. They got that from their father, all three. My children are great. Not me. But yeah, I mean, they, he is he does not have a problem sitting down and doing. I think it's once he's in school, maybe? I don't I don't know. He loses focus. Yeah, daydreams or whatever? Yeah, yeah, really common. So the, the driving thing is interesting, because we'll both because he said, I'll lose focus if I'm bored. That was interesting. And very self understanding. I mean, that's, that's great self knowledge. And kids with ADHD, in general, drive later. So if a child has ADHD, and I'm not saying yours, right, no, no, they're about three years behind, is how to think about it in their ability to do executive function things. Okay. So that focus that organization that staying on top of something, even their act, how they act, and sometimes their friendships, if you look at them, and you think, oh, so immature, why can't he do this? And then in your mind, you take three years off and say is that he seems probably because that's honestly where they are, they're generally three years behind. Okay? That doesn't mean they wait three years to drive, my daughter actually did get her license on time, relatively. But she didn't love it. And if she didn't take her medicine, she probably would have had a harder time of it. Okay. I mean, now, she doesn't take her medicine all the time. So she kind of figured that out herself. But driving is hard, because it is, it's hard to stay focused all the time on this. And so I remember her saying was so hard, so hard to drive, you have to stay focused, and you really have to concentrate the whole time. And, and yes, I mean, they're not wrong. Right. But it becomes more natural to us once we once we're doing it for a while, of course. But they do need that extra time to learn it probably. And they shouldn't have their friends in the car. And you know, for for a while, right? They shouldn't have music on they shouldn't have an app on even if it's a Google Maps, the problem is there is that you're still looking at the map, or you're listening to something and that does distract them even though they don't feel that it does. Okay, so those are things I actually wrote an article on this and all about sort of the top 10 dangers of driving with teams. Okay, what issues are, right? Can we get that article? Sure, like a blog post that you use a blog post? We'll get that link and we'll make sure to Yeah, perfect. Okay. They said, this has been so good. You answered a lot of some good questions. So, hope I helped other listeners as well. I think that you provided some amazing aha moments for moms. I mean, especially me. So can you leave our listeners with if there was one thing that they could do right now, to help a child that might be struggling with anxiety or ADHD? What would that tip Be? That tip is validate, validate, validate, make them feel seen, heard and understood? Because then you have a connected relationship. Once that time comes and goes that you are not understanding them or not showing them understanding, and they then that connection starts to break, and they won't come to you with it anymore. And I think as they're growing up The one thing you want is to be connected to a child because you can help them. Can I leave a second tip? Be their advocate. Always be their advocate because you know them you, you know, learn, go get a coach or go learn a lot online, because you do need to advocate and they do need help. And that doesn't go away. Okay, my daughter just graduated magna cum laude from college, so they can do it. But that doesn't mean she didn't come home and I was having a struggle, right? Because that's just find a job, right? So it doesn't go away, and you want to keep that connection. That's really all that matters. Now, how can we find you? Where can we can i My blog is parenting in real life.org. Okay. And I'm on Facebook, I'm on Instagram parent in real life, on Instagram, parenting in real life on Facebook. I have a YouTube station, I'm out there, I but I also write a lot for other, I write a blog for another set site, I write blogs for lots of sites. So you can find my writing as well, if you search it probably. And if you're interested, or you need a coach, call me I do a free call, I'm happy to chat. See if it would work for you or not. I'm happy to do that. And I'm opening a parenting circle in October. So that will be a group of moms and dads parents who could use a little connection, understanding and support because it's not easy to go through all this. That is that like a course or a program. Now it's a generally a support and coaching groups. So it'll be twice a month on zoom with me. I'll do some one on one coaching for first come first serve, and then you learn from each other. Right. And we need that validation. We need that understanding ourselves. And we don't necessarily get it from our families or from our kids anyway. Right. Right. So I think it just you can learn and you can relate. And I think that's really great for people. I've been have a lot of people asking for that. And we'll make sure that all of that information is in the show notes as well. Yeah. All right. Thank you so much for taking time out of your day for this. This has been great. I love talking with you. And I hope people found this helpful. Yes, I think they will. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you for taking time out of your day to listen to our podcast. I hope you found this information valuable, and hope that you can immediately use some of the information that was provided, make sure to check out the show notes for all of the links that we discussed today. As a mom myself, I understand that at times you can feel alone and are looking for a sense of community. It is my goal to help bring moms together to find each other to help support one another and also help raise healthy humans. That is why I've created a Facebook group. It is free for you to join and you can go to moms raising healthy humans. I also have upgraded our membership portal for you. If you are interested, I now have three tiers because I want to make sure that everybody is moving more no matter where you are. So the first one if you happen to like our weekly movement snacks, you're gonna want to join our first tier, it's $5 a month, and you will have a daily movement exercise that you can do. If you want to move even more, you might want to try one of our other memberships, where we go even deeper, and you can join us for live zoom classes. Remember, it is my goal to help bring moms together in a healthy and supportive community. And I feel like that's what I'm doing with the form set community. So head to form sit s o r NFIT online.com. 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